We all love to laugh don’t we?? It gets you through some of the tough times. Laughter is one of the greatest stress reliefs. We all know what we want to do about stress. Make it completely disappear.
Hopefully some of these jokes will help that stress disappear and make your visits to LoveProspector entertaining. The jokes will be changed weekly so stay tuned. For other jokes, visit the other “Prospector” blogs as they each now have a joke page. Have fun.
New Funny Phrases for July, 2010:
My Mother uses lemon juice for her complexion. Maybe that is why she always looks so sour.
I m not ugly. I could marry anyone I pleased! But that’s the problem – you don’t please anyone.
First girl: I spend hours in front of the mirror admiring my beauty. Do you think that’s vanity? Second girl: No, it’s imagination.
First Witch: I went to the beauty parlor yesterday. I was there for three hours. Second Witch: Oh, what did you have done? First witch: Nothing, I was just going in for an estimate.
First witch: My beauty is timeless. Second witch: Yes, it could stop a clock.
A monster went to the doctor with a branch growing out of his head. “Hmmm,” said the doctor. “I’ve no idea what it is.” The next week the branch was covered in leaves and blossom. “I m stumped,” said the doctor, “but you can try taking these pills.” When the monster came back a month later the branch had grown into a tree, and just a few weeks later he developed a small pond, surrounded by trees and bushes, all of them on top of his head. “Ah!” said the doctor, “I know what it is. You’ve got a beauty spot.”
Fred keeps telling me that he’s going to marry the most beautiful girl in the world. Oh, what a shame! And you’ve been engaged for such a long time!
A little boy came running into the kitchen. Dad, dad he said, there’s a monster at the door with a really ugly face Tell him you’ve already got one, said his father !
Beautician: Did that mud pack I gave you for your girlfriend improve her appearance ? Man: It did for a while – then it fell off.
|The Origin Of Women|
|Adam was walking around the Garden of Eden feeling very lonely, so God asked Adam, “What is wrong with you?” Adam said he didn’t haveanyone to talk to. God said he was going to give him a companion and it would be a woman. He said, “This person will cook for you and wash your clothes, she will always agree with every decision you make. She will bear you children and never ask you to get up in the middle of the night to take care of them. She will not nag you, and will always be the first to admit she was wrong when you’ve had a disagreement. She will never have a headache, and will freely give you love and compassion whenever needed”.Adam asked God, “What will a woman like this cost?”God said, “An arm and a leg.”To which Adam replied, “What can I get for just a rib?” The rest is history.|
|Genie In A Bottle|
|A sales rep, an administration clerk, and the manager are walking to lunch when they find an antique oil lamp. They rub it and a genie comes out.The genie says, “I’ll give each of you just one wish.”"Me first! Me first!” says the administration clerk. “I want to be in the Bahamas, driving a speedboat, without a care in the world.” The genie snapped his fingers and poof, the woman disappeared.”Me next! Me next!” says the sales rep. “I want to be in Hawaii, relaxing on the beach with my personal masseuse, an endless supply of Pina Coladas and the love of my life.” The genie once again snapped his fingers and poof, the man disappeared.”OK, you’re up,” the genie says to the manager.The manager says, “I want those two back in the office after lunch.”|
|Martha Vs. Real Women|
|Martha Stewart Vs. Real Women:sent in by Cousin GeneMARTHA STEWARTIf you accidentally over-salt a dish while it’s still cooking, drop in a peeled potato and it will absorb the excess salt for an instant “fix-me-up.REAL WOMENIf you over-salt a dish while you are cooking, that’s too damn bad. Please recite with me, The Real Women’s motto: “I made it and you will eat it and I don’t care how bad it tastes.”
Cure for headaches: Take a lime, cut it in half and rub it on your forehead. The throbbing will go away.
Take a lime, mix it with tequila, etc., chill and drink. You might still have the headache, but who cares?
And finally the most important tip -